How To Master Your Kisuke
by Baxter54132
Summary: "In the following pages, you will learn how to sneak into your Kisuke's cold and secluded heart." Part of the "How To..." series. KisukexYoruichi


This one has been requested by many people on previous How to fics, so here we go!

By the way, I made a new community just for you guys! It is called the "How To Series Collection" in which I put every "How To…" I've written so far, and will be adding in all the future ones. It is where they all can be seen in one place, without having to scroll down my profile page, and you can subscribe there if you don't want emails about me posting for other fandoms.

But yea… check it out!

Disclaimer: Regrettably, I do not own Bleach, or Kisuke, or Yoroichi, or even Ichigo and the number 15. Oh well…

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**Introduction:**

Welcome! Come, take a seat, release the stress that has been slowly building up day by day. Now, take a deep breath, as we are going to dig into the complicated, two-faced, scheming trickster that is your Kisuke.

Are you confused about his goofy demeanor and lack of any true feelings? If so, you are in the right place! In the following pages, you will learn how to sneak into your Kisuke's closed and secluded heart.

**Chapter 1, Identifying Your Kisuke:**

The instructions in this book will only work if you indeed have a Kisuke. For example, your Kisuke may be overjoyed if you crawl into a hot spring with him, however, if you try this with your Ichigo, you will most likely not get the same results.

Kisuke's are tall, blond, and have a rugged look that suggests they have experienced much hardship. They are also strangely obsessed with the color green and wooden clogs. Their most prominent personality feature is that they seem to have multiple personalities, never showing their true self.

If your Kisuke has all of these things, then he is in fact, a Kisuke.

**Chapter 2, Understanding Your Kisuke:**

Sometimes, your Kisuke may be hard to understand. He says one thing, but mean another, and you are expected to understand without any explanation. His mood may change rapidly, depending on the scenario, and you must keep up.

The best way to follow your Kisuke's every move is by looking into his eyes. His emotions will flash in his eyes just before he speaks. You can try this right now. Call your Kisuke into the room, and stare into his eyes. Don't stare too hard, or he'll think you are being creepy.

Now, list a few things that he likes, and note his expression. Then, list something he doesn't like, maybe a person or place, and the change is immediate. By learning the way he reacts to different things, you can see his true meaning even if no one else can.

**Chapter 3, How to Get Your Kisuke to Notice You:**

A Kisuke is an oblivious creature. He will wander through life aimlessly, and wouldn't know flirting if it walked right up to him and smacked him in the face, but I'm sure you have figured this out by now.

My recommendation is perfect, and it will work every time.

Pick a relatively quiet weekend, and for the whole time, ignore your Kisuke. Don't talk to him, don't even look at him. He should notice in about a minute, and he'll start to desperately want your attention, even if he doesn't show it.

After three days, you can start talking to him again, and he will pay much more attention to you than before. Remember, you have to hold out for the whole weekend, even if he gives you puppy eyes or offers you a cup of warm milk.

**Chapter 4, How to Out Manipulate Your Kisuke:**

If you haven't noticed, Kisukes are manipulators. They take immense joy in hiding gems in unsuspecting gigais, sending red-headed teens to do their dirty work when things don't work out right, and even overcharging every single person who walks in their front door. In order to work around this, you must manipulate him back, before he manipulates you. Use your savvy, feline abilities to trick him into doing things for you.

A good example is convincing him to train your Ichigo so you can go play games with a few other high school kids who will play in the water and punch walls instead of almost killing you. Obviously, Ichigo is the more dangerous and challenging task, but if you tell your Kisuke he can take the opportunity to tease the young teen, then your Kisuke will eagerly take on the role.

**Chapter 5, How to Keep Other Females Away From Your Kisuke:**

This is very simple, and easy to do. Find a young girl, possibly named Hiyori, and make her your Kisuke's lieutenant. By having Hiyori, who is far too young and immature, hanging around your Kisuke all the time, other girls will be scared away by her loud and obnoxious behavior. If you have to move to a new home, little boys work too, like ones named Jinta. Normal girls won't approach a man who has to look after children.

**Conclusion:**

You and your Kisuke are now on the same level. He listens to you, does what you want, and your relationship is slowly moving to the next level. Pick yourself up off the ground, release that deep breath, and go for it!

My last piece of advice would be, don't let your Kisuke see this book.

Yoruichi Shihoin

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**Omake: Somewhere in America…**

"Kisuke, come here!"

"Ok… What's up?"

_Page flipping_

"Yoruichi, why are you staring at me?"

"One second," _page flipping_ "Kittens, rainbows, clogs."

"What…?"

"Soi-fon."

"…"

"Cool, it worked!"

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There we go, all done with Kisuke, should I do one for Yoruichi now too?

Here is the link for the community if you'd rather not file through my profile page but want to read the other part of the series.

www. fanfiction community /How_To_ Series_Collection /75354/

Just take out the spaces.

Well, please review! I love getting criticism from you all.


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